Yet, this WICKER MAN is a classic awful movie, that adds some baby drama (Cage is the father of the missing girl!) and the aforementioned car crash, subtracts any and all poignant imagery/metaphor (religion, sex), and replaces it with bees, women punching and gibberish.
What’s even crazier about this movie is how generally close it hews to the original movie, which is rightfully hailed as a horror classic, thanks to its score, awesome twist ending, the aforementioned Christopher Lee as the eerie, cross-dressing Lord Summerisle, and Bond girl Britt Ekland humping walls naked. Also, before this letter, Nic watches as a semi just obliterates a car with a mother and her indignant pissant daughter inside, a nonsensical “plot point” we’ll be reminded about several times throughout the movie (I smell a drinking game rule). If it existed, I would totally have visited during my upbringing, and never would’ve been the same, probably because there are no boys on the island. Nicolas Cage (I’m not even going to bother with his “character” name) is an LA cop who gets a letter from his ex-girlfriend, telling him about her daughter’s disappearance from Summerisle island, a fake cult island in the Pacific Northwest.
It’s nigh impossible to form a coherent thought about THE WICKER MAN, but then again, there isn’t a coherent moment in the entire film that ranks in the Hall of Fame of awful, alongside THE ROOM and Lou Diamond Phillips’ filmography. Tonight he’s doing GODZILLA, if you’re interested.
Now I can proudly claim that my eyes have beheld both masterpieces, and somehow lived to tell the tale, thanks to a hilarious Doug Benson Movie Interruption at The Cinefamily in Fairfax. I might be one of the few schmucks of my generation that, until recently, had only seen the original WICKER MAN that starred Christopher Lee and Ingrid Pitt, and not the vacuous, craptastic, incredible, life-changing Nicolas Cage remake from 2006.
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